


Season’s Heatings

by xantissa



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Awkward situations, Christmas Fluff, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Fluff, M/M, Scheming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 04:39:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5483768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xantissa/pseuds/xantissa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Are you suggesting,” Khan’s voice dropped suddenly, the low velvety rumble carrying cold, murderous intent with deadly accuracy, “that it was <i>my</i> fault your hand ended up on my ass?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Season’s Heatings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NurseDarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NurseDarry/gifts).



> My wonderful, unique, eternally wise and swift beta, NurseDarry, deserved all the precious jewels for Christmas gift. I am too poor to give her jewels, but I could write her a Christmas comedy, full of misunderstandings, plotting and humor, so I did. 
> 
> Darry - as this is the first (and probably last) fully humorous fic I’ve ever written, be understanding. I did my best for you because you are the brain-twin I never knew I had, you understand my writing like nobody else and you encourage me to write more. You even beta het sex scenes for me, even though you hate them. I love you darling and wish you all the best! Now enjoy!

“This is _not_ my fault!” Jim protested hotly, gesturing as wide as the tiny commercial plane seat allowed.

“You did drink from the blue cup,” Khan pointed out mildly, catching the eye of the nearest stewardess and keeping the eye contact until she flushed a bit and left the passenger she was talking to in order to come to him.

“How in hell was I supposed to know it was an engagement cup! Or whatever!”

Khan ordered orange juice from the blushing stewardess and turned to look at Jim. “You could have read the cultural brief I am sure you were provided as a Captain of a flagship.”

“I skimmed it!” Jim was getting even more agitated.

“And this is what you get for not treating your work seriously enough.”

“I treat my work seriously!” Jim protested, reaching for Khan’s glass and downing the contents with a definitely outraged air.

“Is that so? Then why are we now engaged, for the sixth time already?” Khan rumbled, taking back the empty glass from Jim and initiating eye contact with the stewardess again. Honestly, he was surprised Kirk had survived as long as he had. The man seemed to have less survival instinct than God gave a lemming. He didn’t even take care of proper hydration.

Jim flushed, casting Khan a belligerent look. “It’s because you insist on tagging along everywhere. Can’t you stay in your lab or something? You stick with me like a particularly stubborn burr,” Jim complained, slouching lower in the seat.

Khan looked at the way the material of Kirk’s pants stretched over his toned thighs. It was a very nice view. All that running while on Away Team did Kirk a world of good it seemed.

“You keep forgetting that the _Enterprise_ is outfitted with _my_ experimental cloaking technology, _my_ new defense systems, and _my_ innovative warp core technology. Which I am live-testing on the _Enterprise_. Where the ship goes, I go. And since you are the ship’s captain, I need to keep an eye on you too.”

“I wish I could forget, but it’s kind of impossible with you reminding me every day,” Jim grumbled, eyeing Khan’s fresh glass of orange juice.

*

Jim huffed as he lugged his case into the long queue for car rental. He was studiously ignoring Khan beside him, carrying his own baggage as if it weighed nothing when Jim was sure it could squish an average man flat. Damn Augment showing off how strong he was!

This whole year seemed like one long stretch of bad luck. First he was informed that while he was on leave the _Enterprise_ had been retrofitted with a bunch of new features that were supposed to be tested during the following five years. That in itself was rather exciting. Like any man, Jim loved getting new toys. However he was also informed that Khan Noonien Singh, the fucking leader of Augment Nation, was the chief designer and was going to accompany the ship during the testing period.

Jim had no idea what to expect. Sure, he’d seen the pictures: Augments, having assimilated into human society over ten years ago, were systematically dominating the R&D departments everywhere. Khan Noonien Singh was notorious for creating outrageously expensive designs. In the last ten years the man brought in a veritable fortune for the Augments.

He was good looking, arrogant and seemed very cold in the few interviews Jim had seen of him. In person he was so much worse. Hot as he might be with his hard muscles and perfectly done hair, he was _so damn irritating_. Khan kept sticking his nose into _everything_. He was absolutely everywhere. Wherever Jim went, there was Khan already tinkering with something or (most often) criticising everything Jim did. Before Jim realised what was going on, he found Khan permanently assigned to his Away Team. So not only couldn’t Jim get any peace on his own damn ship, even off-world he had the Augment smirking at him and reminding him just how much better the Augments were. He could deal with that, really, he could if it wasn’t for the fact that Khan was shamelessly charming to everyone but Jim. He was the very soul of dependable maturity with Pike, leading the admiral to tell Jim to be more like Khan! He talked medicine with Bones, complimenting the doctor on his achievements. He talked philosophy and logic with Spock, gaining the Vulcan’s respect for his intellect. Not to mention Scotty, of course. The engineer would marry Khan’s brain if left unsupervised for a moment. 

Jim could have been glad of the fact that Khan got on so well with his crew if it wasn’t for the fact that the Augment was _terrifying_ whenever the two of them were left alone. He was all smirking threats and disquieting double meanings, not even bothering to be charming. And nobody believed Jim when he protested that Khan was planning something evil! Everyone just metaphorically patted Jim’s head and told him to get over his jealousy.

Over the past year, Khan’s stalkerish ways had landed them in a host of awkward situations that everybody blamed on Jim! When they somehow got engaged, _again_ , in some inexplicable alien ritual, _again_ , Admiral Pike decided he’d had quite enough of smoothing over the political incidents for Jim and refused to sign the annulment. What’s more, he got so irritated with Jim protesting his innocence and trying to prove it was all Khan’s fault that he took away all Jim’s piloting privileges for the Christmas leave. He also, none too subtly, suggested that since Jim and Khan were engaged under _Hir’Ka’Re_ law, they needed to spend the next three weeks together.

So here they were. First stuffed into tiny seats proudly proclaimed as “business class” on a commercial flight, now they were waiting in line to rent a car and finally, finally reach Uncle Frank’s ranch where the whole Kirk family was spending Christmas this year. Jim was tired and cranky and the prospect of spending the next few hours with Khan stuffed into a small, metal box was daunting to say the least.

And things only got worse when Khan started his hypnotising routine again. It irked Jim unbelievably to watch Khan lock eyes with the girl at the counter. After a moment she flushed and started fidgeting. She shuffled things on her desk, listened distractedly to the customer she was servicing. Mentally Jim started countdown; he got to twelve, and the girl stood up from behind the desk, grabbed a data pad and made a beeline for Khan.

Jim curled his lip in disgust as she all but fluttered her eyelashes at Khan and loudly proclaimed that his reservation was ready and she could lead him to his car right now if he wished?

Grumbling bitterly, Jim trailed after the pair. Khan was his charming self again, making the girl blush even harder and outright _stutter_. Jim never got such treatment. He was only given sharp smirks, even sharper comments and painful pokes. At times Jim felt like an antelope being separated from the herd by the predator before said predator went in for the kill. 

*

Jim snatched the keys from the Augment as soon as they reached the car. “I’m driving.”

Khan cast him a sideways look, the corner of his lips curling up in a smirk. “Of course,” he agreed, content to have already riled the blond man that much.

Jim threw his bag into the back of the car, settled himself behind the wheel and angrily switched off the car’s auto-pilot mode. He pulled out from the parking space, trying very hard not to notice how Khan’s pants stretched over his thighs invitingly as the man slouched in the seat beside him.

“I don’t see why you had to come with me,” he complained. “Can’t you go away somewhere else, and just claim we spend the three weeks together?” So Jim was maybe pleading a bit, but he couldn’t escape the feeling of dread that accompanied every thought of introducing Khan to his mother.

“Are you suggesting I _lie_ , Captain?” Khan’s way of saying Jim’s title was… indecent at the very least.

“All I’m suggesting is that you could have helped! All this engagement mess could have been avoided if you just helped out some!” Jim shouted, incensed.

“You do realize that it was more than just the drinking from the cups,” Khan murmured, making a show of watching the flat landscape outside the window.

Jim felt his face flushing. “I don’t remember! I was drunk!” he wailed.

“Are you suggesting,” Khan’s voice dropped suddenly, the low velvety rumble carrying cold, murderous intent with deadly accuracy, “that it was _my_ fault your hand ended up on my ass?”

Jim kept his eyes straight ahead. It seemed he’d crossed a line somewhere and the low timbre of Khan’s voice, sending shivers down Jim’s back, was a clear indication that if Jim pushed even a bit more, Khan was going to _murder_ him.

With a quiet grumble, Jim subsided, slouching a bit behind the wheel. 

*

Jim stared at Khan as if seeing him for the very first time. He looked from the Augment to his mother and back to Khan. The man was smiling charmingly and focusing all his considerable attention on Winona, paying her compliments that sounded distressingly honest. What is more, he’d obviously done his research on Jim’s family, because he was referring to Winona’s achievements as if it was common knowledge.

He praised Frank’s car collection, sharing some obscure tidbits of knowledge about the history of motorisation ,and even managed to pay a few compliments to Frank’s wife Laura.  
Basically, Khan was totally charming the pants off Jim’s family. He was laughing and joking, not even flinching at the screaming kids running amok around them.

By comparison, Jim looked like an antisocial asshole. 

It was _infuriating_! 

 

*

Kirk didn’t like leaving Khan alone with his family, but when his mother asked Jim to run her into town he couldn’t say no. They were only gone an hour or so, but Frank came running outside to meet them the minute they returned, his eyes wide open and shocked. As soon as Jim was out of the car, Frank grabbed him by the shoulders.

“I don’t know who he is. I don’t even _care_ who he is.” Frank’s voice was tightly controlled. “But I will _pay_ you to leave him here.” He underscored each sentence with a firm shake of Jim’s person.

Jim blinked confusedly at his uncle. “‘What happened?”

“He has them carrying and fetching,” Frank hissed. “ _Willingly_! There hasn’t been a single instance of hair pulling or biting in _four hours_.” There was pure awe in his uncle’s voice. “But...”

“But what? I don’t see what the problem is.” Jim asked baffled. 

Frank took him by the arm and dragged him into the house. “Look!” the man insisted.

Kirk did.

*

“Are you treating the kids like dogs?!” Jim asked outraged.

Khan snorted. “Not at all. Young humans have merely the same attention span problems as young animals. It is best to introduce rewards while the child still knows why it is being rewarded, and since the biological imperative pushes all young creatures to seek acknowledgment from mature members of the tribe in order to assure survival, the lack of acknowledgement is an extremely effective deterrent.”

Kirk stared at the man calmly chopping the cucumber into perfectly even, four millimeter slices. “Right. You train them like _puppies_.”

Khan gave him a sideways look, not bothering to stop slicing. “I said no such thing.”

Jim huffed. “I don’t know if I should be amazed or terrified.”

*  
Jim stared at the single bed in the attic that Frank assigned to him and Khan.

It wasn’t even a surprise any more. Because of course they had clearly landed in some kind of ridiculous Christmas love story and it would be a sacrilege if they didn’t get caught in every single cliche known to man.

He dropped his bag, crouched down and put his head in his hands. “Just kill me now.” He groaned pitifully. He’d tried arguing with his mother and Frank that Khan wasn’t his _significant other_ but no one was listening to him. They all just smiled at him and patted his cheek as if he was a little kid and carried on treating the two of them like a couple.

“That can be arranged,” Jim heard the low, amused voice behind him. “Any particular method?”

Jim raised his head to see Khan standing in the doorway, all of Jim’s nephews and nieces arranged behind him, each carrying some kind of bedding and staring at Jim with wide eyes. It was official: he could kiss his cool Uncle status goodbye.

Khan passed him with a condescending pat to Jim’s head, heading deeper into the room.

“I hate you.” Jim muttered into his hands.

What absolutely killed him though, was the fact that all five of the kids trotted into the room in a neat line behind Khan like fucking ducklings and every one of them patted Jim on the head while passing him. The youngest, seven year old, Vera even managed a cheerful “Don’t worry, uncle Jim, Mr. Khan will help you!”

There was a flurry of movements he missed, being busy feeling sorry for himself, and then a stampede of the younger Kirk generation departing the room again. When he opened his eyes he saw Khan rummaging in his duffel. But that wasn’t what had Jim yelping and ending up sprawled on his backside.

“Holy hell! Warn a guy!” Jim yelled and backed away a few feet for good measure.

Khan was shirtless, every single toned muscle standing out in sharp relief and twitching with movement as he rummaged deep in his bag as if it had a pocket dimension inside.

Finally Khan pulled out a grey tee and turned to Jim, his pale, sculpted chest making it impossible for Jim to look anywhere else than the sharply defined pectorals and the pale, flat nipples. 

“Why should I?” he asked with saccharine sweetness. “We are engaged, are we not?” 

Jim gulped, very sure he was about to get murdered.

He made an executive, highly tactical decision to avoid certain demise by hightailing it to the bathroom, shouting something about a shower over his shoulder. 

*

As a young teenager, Jim had decided that world had a thing against him and strove to fuck him up in whatever way possible.

So, getting into the laughably small double bed with Khan dressed only in grey boxers and a very thin cotton t-shirt was just the latest example. Jim preferred to sleep in the nude but in this situation it seemed safer to wear not only his old sweats but also a long-sleeved shirt. Still, he couldn’t quite get up the nerve to climb under the covers.

He spent hours perched on the very edge of the bed, staring at a peacefully sleeping Khan’s back with envy. 

Hours later, exhausted and on edge, he finally fell into a restless sleep.

And it was fitting his eternally shitty karma that he would wake up from a really hot (if indistinct) wet dream sprawled almost completely on top of the Augment, his pelvis pressed to Khan’s hip, a damning wet patch already soaking his clothes.

He opened his eyes to intense grey ones, wide awake and staring right at him.

Of all the ways he expected to die, he never imagined it would be on Christmas and in his own family home at that. Still, since his chance of survival had just dropped into negative values, Jim decided to go out with bang. Since he had all that hard, sculpted flesh under his hands, he might as well get a grope in before Khan ripped his head off. He slid his hand over the rock-hard belly, the heat of Khan’s skin palpable even though the cotton of his unfairly stretched t-shirt, up to the firm pectorals that Jim thought were just unfair on any scale.

Since apparently Khan was still too frozen with horror, or maybe just unable to decide precisely _how_ to kill him, Jim leaned down and kissed the Augment. Now that he was about to be gruesomely murdered he could admit to himself that he’d kinda always wanted to do it.

It took him a moment to realise Khan was kissing him back. His lips were softer than Jim expected, pliant under Jim’s. Bewildered, Jim pushed for more and Khan let him, opening his mouth wider to let Jim’s tongue in.

They just kissed for a long moment, lips gliding over lips, teeth grazing gently on whatever flesh was available. Before he knew what happened, Jim realized he was on his back, Khan stretching over him with those fucking muscles all tense and hot.

The Augment broke the kiss, his hair falling all over the place and hiding his eyes from Jim.

“You want this.” Jim breathed, amazed. “You want _me_.”

Khan shifted above him, one rock hard thigh bracing between Jim’s legs. “Yes.”

Jim could feel the grin that stretched over his face. This was going to be so awesome, he could already tell.

He stretched up for another kiss, but Khan arched away from his touch, his big hands pressing Jim’s shoulders to the bed to make sure Jim couldn’t reach him.

“What?” Jim asked, bewildered. Now that he was properly awake, he could feel against his belly how hard Khan was.

“I don’t do casual relationships.” Khan’s voice was low and deep enough to raise goosebumps on Jim’s skin.

Jim laughed at first, disbelieving. Khan was so hard against him, so hot and close Jim could tell Khan was really aroused. It took him a moment to realise that Khan was _serious_.

“Well, we are engaged?” Jim tried hesitantly.

Khan shifted, letting the black strands fall away from his eyes, and pinned Jim with a serious gaze. “Are we? And what if it gets called off...again?” 

There was a mocking quality to the Augment’s response and Jim clenched his teeth. “You can’t be serious!” he snapped. “Are you telling me you won’t have sex unless we’re married?”

Khan shifted so close his nose was almost touching Jim’s, his steel grey eyes focused on Jim with mesmerising intensity. “My body, my rules,” he said in that incredibly deep voice. “Besides I am not, and never was, in the habit of giving things away for free.” 

With those last words Khan got up, completely unselfconscious about the large erection tenting his boxers, and went to the bathroom, firmly shutting the door behind him.

*

After that, it wasn’t only the Universe that was against him. Khan not only took to wearing those incredibly thin cotton tees but also to _showing himself off_. He was constantly bending to pick things up, stretching to fetch and carry things for Winona, or picking the kids up – even fifteen-year-old John, who was as tall as Jim – making all those muscles bunch and flex under the thin cotton.

The kids had somehow picked up on the tension between the two of them and unanimously decided that whatever happened was Jim’s fault; they proceeded to glare at him as if he’d killed their favorite kitten.

In light of all this, Jim was subjected to hours of Khan showing off his powerful physique. He was subtle about it, but not subtle enough that Winona didn’t notice. That evening, after the Christmas dinner, Jim caught Winona eying Khan with appreciation as his biceps flexed while he was moving furniture under her command. Specifically, the chair she’d just asked him to move for the _fifth_ time that evening.

When his mother started eying the couch with a speculative gleam and casting glances towards the door through which Khan left just moments ago, Jim exploded. “Mom!” he exclaimed, scandalized.

“What? It’s not like I’m doing anything but watching!” she said defensively, not even having the decency to _blush_.

Jim opened his mouth to defend his right of possession and then closed his mouth with a snap, because right now he didn't actually _have_ any rights. He couldn’t even chide her that Khan was years younger than she was, because technically the man was about eight hundred years older.

Frustrated and unreasonably angry, he stormed out of the living room and the house, heading with angry steps towards the shed. He used to spend hours in there when he was a kid.

After a few minutes spent pacing and fuming, Jim pulled out his service communicator and dialed Pike. “I really hope you are calling to wish me Merry Christmas, Jim.” The admiral’s voice was vaguely threatening. 

“I…” Jim hesitated, belatedly realizing that Pike was probably with his family right now. “Merry Christmas, sir,” he said awkwardly and fell silent.

“Merry Christmas to you too, Jim.” Admiral Pike said pleasantly. 

Jim opened his mouth… but he couldn’t get the words past his suddenly tight throat. Admiral Christopher Pike was one of the very few male role models Jim respected.

The silence stretched.

“Jim?” Pike prompted, as informally as he could.

Jim cleared his throat. “I, er, wanted to ask you a question.”

Pike sighed into the communicator. “I was thinking you might.”

“The engagement – why did you refuse to annul it?”

“Jim,” Pike said in the tone of an exasperated father. “For the last year, every time you and Khan attended any kind of party or social event, you got drunk and ended up pawing at him. Publicly. Often in the presence of media.”

“What?! No I didn’t!” Jim protested, feeling his ears get hot.

“There are _pictures_ Jim. Mostly of you with your hands definitely below his waist.”

Jim sputtered. “But… but… how am I even alive?” Jim thought about somebody getting drunk and pawing at Khan. Thought about their chances of seeing the next sunrise in light of Khan’s usual response to perceived slights.

“For whatever reason, you’re exempt from Khan’s normal reaction. Anybody else would be licking their own intestines off the floor, while the only consequence _you_ suffered was a hangover. It cost me a really uncomfortable amount of favors to the press to make sure all those pictures remained unpublished. And I fully intend to take that out of you.”

Jim cursed quietly. “I don’t remember any of it.”

“Bullshit,” Pike said mildly. “You’ve watched him like a hawk since the moment you met him. I have never seen you pay this much attention to anyone for so long.”

“Fuck,” Jim commented eloquently.

“Do me a favor Jim,” Pike said with an odd note of mirth in his voice. “Try not to get killed?”

Jim dropped the communicator, put his head in his hands and groaned. “I hate my life.”

*

Jim managed to track down Khan in the hallway leading to the basement laundry. The Augment was holding a laundry basket under one arm and obviously heading downstairs. It seemed Winona was hell-bent on getting all the free labor she could out of Khan as fast as she could. Probably ogling him the whole time, too.

“Khan!” he called out. 

The man stopped and turned toward him with the same kind of grace that always set Jim’s teeth on edge. “Yes?”

“We need to…” A stampede of children decided to pick that exact moment to run screaming past them. “...talk.” Jim finished lamely.

He cast about for the closest private space and his eyes landed on the large closet used for storing cleaning products. He jerked the door open, cast a quick look around and stepped in, trying to pull Khan after him.

It was much like trying to list the _Enterprise_ with his bare hands.

“Come on,” he hissed urgently. “Before the kids come back.” Or worse, his mother.

Khan lifted an eyebrow. “Are you inviting me into the closet with you?”

Jim, honest to god, blushed. “What does it look like?” he hissed desperately. “Yes!”

Khan set the laundry basket down and stepped into the closet as if he were entering a throne room. Once the door closed behind him, Jim realized just how tight the space was. He was standing almost nose to nose with Khan. So close he could smell the spicy musk of his skin and feel the burning heat of his body.

“What did you wish to talk about with me, in such…private…quarters?”

Jim fidgeted, not really believing his own actions. _Nobody_ was going to believe his actions, least of all he himself. “About that engagement.,” he began hesitantly.

Khan suddenly focused on him, the power of that focus sending shivers down Jim’s back. “Yes?” Khan rumbled, pressing suddenly closer. Close enough that their chests were touching and Khan’s breath fanned over Jim’s cheek.

“So, I was thinking that we could, you know… not annul it?” Jim finally choked out.

Khan smiled, slow and satisfied, pressing so close their lips were almost touching.

“I knew not killing you would pay off eventually,” Khan murmured before closing the last of the distance between them and kissing Jim.

Jim groaned under the kiss and put his hands around the Augment. Their kiss changed from tender to hot in a matter of seconds, their bodies undulating against each other in mimicry of the very act Khan had denied Jim earlier.

Jim slid his hands lower to Khan’s ass and gripped two palm-fulls of extremely hard muscle. 

Damn, but he _loved_ that ass.

*

Khan made sure nobody saw him as he left the house. He shivered a little in the chilly night, but decided against getting a coat. He wouldn’t be out long.

He pulled out the communicator Jim wasn’t aware he had, and punched in a familiar number. 

“Do you know what time it is?” came the aggravated voice of his SIC, Joachim.

Khan smiled, tilting his head up to look at the dark sky. “My apologies. I thought you would like to know that our plan worked.”

There was a long, relieved sigh from the other side. “Thank God,” Joachim said devoutly. “Bribing all those people to put you and Kirk in compromising positions cost a fortune.”

Khan leaned on the door and wished for a cigarette. In this century getting a real cigarette was impossible, so Khan chased the thought away. “It worked though.”

Joachim snorted. “Being a professional matchmaker wasn’t in my job description,” he groused. “I would appreciate it if I could go back to my actual work.”

Khan huffed out a laugh. “Yes, yes, you are free of my unreasonable demands now.”

“Hey, Khan?” Joachim’s tone changed. “Congratulations.” 

Khan smiled even though no one was there to see him. “Thank you, Joachim.”

“You’re welcome. But the wedding I am not organizing for you.”

“We’ll see.”

“I’m serious!” his SIC protested loudly. “I am not kidding! Khan? Khan, are you listening to me? Khan!”

“Get some sleep, Joachim.” Khan ignored his friend's protests and disconnected the call, turning to go back into the sleeping house.

It was so nice when his plans came together so seamlessly.

 

The End

And Merry Christmas to NurseDarry, and everyone reading this fic.


End file.
